i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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