K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
