I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
