Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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