So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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