I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's get the cat blown out
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
