Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
