This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
