how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
