it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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