Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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