It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my being single is dangerous.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
