you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
