wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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