The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
