I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
