Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize