my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
