U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
