they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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