its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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