Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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