How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
