so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
