Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think my tv is drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
