I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
