she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
