My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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