I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
