Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
