My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize