HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
