Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize