I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
