dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
