so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
