Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
