Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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