..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
