Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
