Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
