'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
