so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize