i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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