guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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