yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
