Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
