woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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