mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
