Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
