Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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