Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
