enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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