Dual....:-)
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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