its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
