girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
