And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
