if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
