You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
