My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
