Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
