im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
