I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
