I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize