We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
