Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
