It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
