Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
