Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
