I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
