haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
