So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
