we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
