I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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