Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You smell like stripper and shame
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
