just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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