sarcasm needs its own font
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
