I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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