You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
