Are we in a gay sports bar?
Screwed.edu
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
