Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
