I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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