sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
