Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
