I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
