K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
