Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize