Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
