I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
