idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
