alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
