I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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