We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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