Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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