saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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