At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They took my balls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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